Thanksgiving has long been considered the bad boy of calories when it comes to overeating. But Turkey Day is about to lose that title, at least for me. I’ve just read The London Sun’s list of the “World’s Worst Jumbo Junk Foods.” And now that dubious honor is clearly going to the Quadruple Bypass Burger at the Heat Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona. At 8,000 calories, it pretty much embodies everything that’s wrong with the American appetite.

As a marketing concept, the Heart Attack Grill is brilliant. They use humor to stay in the headlines. Customers over 350 pounds eat free, waitresses don sexy nurses uniforms and Founder Jon Basso jokes about side effects like sudden weight gain, the development of man breasts, loss of sexual partners and mild death from eating off their menu.  Basso himself is a former nutrionist who used to run a Jenny Craig Center. Sounds like the perfect fodder for a Saturday Night Live skit. 

Have to admit that it all cracks me up. But, as a reformed junk food junkie, I’m not planning on chomping down a supersized burger and fries. What concerns me is the person who takes on the Quadruple Bypass Burger, and other things like it, as their Holy Grail. Would they train ahead by eating a couple of Big Macs each day? Stop walking the family dog in order to gain an extra 10 pounds to qualify for the free meal?  In some ways, it is just another step in making excessive eating and obesity the growing norm.

Don’t think I’ve just got a bone to pick with that burger joint. Of the 11 items pictured on the list, nine hail from the United States.  You’ve got a milkshake with 131 fat grams, a 72 oz steak, the Kitchen Sink Ice Cream Sundae and the Blooming Onion appetizer making an appearance.  Now I love when the U.S. pioneers scientific discoveries or leads the world in space exploration. But this is one overachieving category I’m not so proud of.

Do you think bad boy calorie dishes are just a clever marketing tool or a slippery slope to higher obesity levels?

County fairs were a rite of passage during my formative years in Columbia, South Carolina. We couldn’t wait to ride the rickety Ferris Wheels and roller coasters that would be considered a death trap by today’s standards. My buddy Jake delighted in pranking the clueless staff at the information desk, asking  them to page imaginary friends like Homer Sessual (reportedly a German exchange student) to come to the rocket. Say it in fast in a broad Southern accent and you’ll see the humor from a 14 year old boy’s perspective. 

Then of course, there was the food. Cotton candy, French fries doused in vinegar and huge “Elephant Ear” fried donuts. The kind of stuff that sticks to your ribs like 20 years later.  I’ve heard about the evolution of county fair food over the years, with the advent of fried Twinkies and Snickers bars. But yesterday, a friend who attended the Orange County fair this past weekend alerted me to a new concoction - chocolate-covered bacon. Just writing this, I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde locked in a heated conflict.  Part of me, dormant and suppressed, rejoices in the thought of crispy bacon smothered with chocolate goodness, while the often healthy grown-up cringes a bit in horror. But if that sucker was in front of me right now, I’d snarf up a piece of chocolate covered bacon before you could blink. You know, just out of scientific curiosity.

So that creative invention made me wonder what other outrageous food pairings might be out there. Turns out that Denny’s now has a fried cheese sandwich that features four jumbo fried mozzarella sticks jammed inside – making a mere  “grilled” cheese sandwich seem tame in comparison.  IHOP’s pancake stackers put layers of cheese cake in between pancake and dump whipped cream and fruit on top. At 1,250 calories, it’s a meal that will stick around your middle.

What is the most outrageous food pairing you’ve ever encountered or created yourself? Feel free to use past tense or blame hormones to assuage any guilt!